What a hard day looks like

Also, want to come to my party? (launch, not pity)

yes they are Christmas pajamas

Hi! My name is Bree, and I write about how to have better days at work and in life. Subscribe for posts on everything from 20 short rules for better days at work to Grandpa Mornings. You’ll also be the first to know about book launch events and giveaways—Today Was Fun will hit bookstores in July. Pre-order here!

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Yesterday Katie Couric quoted the book in her newsletter and today I’m crying on the couch in my pajamas at 2pm.

See I made some art and I put my whole heart into it and now it’s time to peddle it like I’m hosting some kind of Tupperware party. Let me tell you all about it! Let me tell you about it in my serious voice if I think you’re a serious person. Let me write a song and dance about it. Let me watch you not take me seriously and then still try to impress you. This is me at my worst.

Or in my friend Derrick’s words:

There’s no onboarding process for becoming an artist/writer. Just a vulnerability gauntlet designed by capitalism itself.

How do I convince the world that I’ve made magic. That this is unlike any other business book ever written. It contains the depths of my grief and also Bob the Alien. Honestly, the best I feel is when I’m reading it because I’m reminded that it’s actually really, really good. Despite the PR passes. Despite the non-responses.

It’s hard because I refuse to not care. I refuse to absorb all the very shouty messages surrounding me telling me books never sell, especially those of first time authors, don’t get your hopes up, just writing a book is a success! It feels like echoes of every sexist “Oh that’s cute that you did that” comment that’s ever been passed my way.

And also, most books don’t sell.

I listened to a podcast today with Lin-Manuel Miranda talking about how he worried he would make art and no one would care. I guess everyone who’s bothered to make art worries. Some are right to worry. Some are wrong.

My longest relationship before I met my husband was with a professional poker player. In hindsight I really should have asked for girlfriend poker tutoring sessions, but I did learn one thing: Make the right calls. The cards that come after have nothing to do with you.

There are a million traps in poker. Getting a “bad beat” (you played the hand well but got unlucky) and going “on tilt” (losing your shit) is one of them. Feeling like “you’re due” to get lucky is another. Poker is in many ways a game of psychology, but it’s not your opponent’s psychology that’s hardest to master. It’s your own.

I’ve always told myself I’m going to invest in this book like it’s going to be a bestseller. I’m going to make the decisions a bestselling author would make—someone who believes in their inevitable success. I was really brave about creative decisions in the book even when others told me I was making a mistake. I invested in a publicist even though people told me it was a terrible idea and I’d never see the ROI. I stepped away from consulting back in November to work full time on the book launch even though our bank account AHEMed at me pretty hard.

I remember James Clear saying he spent 15 months planning his launch and I thought: Yes. That makes sense. Publish a book like you mean it.

So that’s what I’m doing. I’m playing my cards in the most strategic way I know how. The truth is nobody really knows what makes a book take off. Some celebrity books flop. Some no-name authors hit just right. It’s all just a big game of poker. This is how I’m playing the odds:

1. The books with the best chance of selling stand out. They’re different. I have a fucking neon smiley face on the cover of my business book. My author photo is of me presiding over some kind of corporate murder scene with the chalk outline made of post its. Inside there are no walls of text. It’s all snackable vignettes and lessons learned—and I kid you not—a crossword puzzle.

2. The books with the best chance of success have investment. Just like start-ups need cash injections, so do books. I wrote a book but I also started a little publishing business and there are legit start up costs. I am okay with this and feel very lucky we can invest in the book and in me.

3. The books with the best chance of success have authors who fucking go to bat for them. So I am daring to ask people with big followings if I can send them a book and will they help me talk about it. I am remembering that it’s actually a really good book and I’m not selling snake oil—I’m selling a hilarious and impactful book that they’re going to love. I am trying my best.

And then after all of that I’m crying on the couch in my pajamas at 3p. Some days I feel big and some days I feel small. The truth is I’ve had the most fun I’ve had in my whole career writing this book, hard days included. Even though I don’t have parents who can tell me they’re proud of me I tell myself. My husband tells me too. Even my daughter tells me. And my publisher. Okay, actually kind of a lot of people tell me so that’s nice. It’s better not to do a vulnerability gauntlet alone.

And then once I’ve played all my odds and the book is out in the world? The cards that come after have nothing to do with me.

Ok time to go put real clothes on now.

Oh before I go, I meant to invite you to my party. Do you want to come to my party? I would LOVE to have you there. It won’t be one of those serious reading-a-passage book parties. It’s going to be a party-party. See you there? Get tix!

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