If you’ve read just about anything I’ve written, you’ll know I’m anti-workaholism. I believe the costs of overwork are enormous and personal (our health, our relationships, our enjoyment of our precious days on this planet), but that does not mean I’m anti-work. I really like work! It’s fun to get good at something, fun to make others’ lives better through things I make, fun to hang around brilliant and hilarious colleagues, and certainly fun to make money.
But how much work? When? Where? Who decides? Depending on your news source, you may believe the “who has the power” pendulum is swinging back towards employers with fresh RTO mandates and layoffs a very real and hairy monster sleeping under our beds. Or, you may believe it’s swinging the other way—that the pandemic only accelerated a longer transition toward de-centering work and re-centering our lives.
It all feels very power struggle-y and not that nice. Some leaders choose not to play this game at all and insist on 5 days of butts in chairs unapologetically. They may get it, but will also pay the price that comes with employee resentment. Some employees too will decide they’ve had enough, and simply refuse to attend a 6pm meeting—or even a 1pm meeting for an exercise class they like. I get it—in workaholism recovery, we’ve had to learn to “say no and prioritize yourself” to escape the bottomless pit that is work.
But what’s been fascinating to me is the full spectrum of folks in between.
The truly big-hearted leaders who respect and adore their people—and also wonder why no one’s around take a meeting with a client at noon on a Tuesday. It makes those good ol’ days of butts-in-chairs look pretty appealing!
And the truly conscientious, high-performing employees who care about doing great work for customers, for their organization, for their leader—and also don’t want to be working all night or be yoked to a desk all day in the way they once were.
These folks in the middle—which is a great percentage of the leaders and employees I work with every day: how do they work together?
I’ve had many conversations with employees that sounded like “I’ve learned I have to set firm boundaries or I’ll be overworked”. And I’ve had many conversations with leaders that sounded like “I’ve learned that I have to set clear expectations, or people will underwork.”
Certainly, firm boundaries and clear expectations can both be good things, but maybe they’re not good things all the time. Both parties are trying to swing the work-power pendulum back in their direction, since both feel it’s swung out of their favor. With that in mind, this advice will likely feel shitty for everyone involved (what fun!) but let me give it a go anyway:
Leaders, even though you think some people are underworking, maybe there are still times when you should endeavor to work around your team member’s mid-day dog walk. Because it’s a nice, important part of life!
Team members, even though you think you’ll be overworked in a pinch if you allow it, maybe there are still times when you should move the dentist appointment so you can show up for the meeting. Because showing up for your team is a nice, important part of work!
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “But that’s ridiculous! Get a dog walker!” or “But that’s ridiculous! I have teeth and I’m allowed to take care of them!”
The truth is it’s all a very messy, subjective calculation from one situation to the next which is what makes this work at the organizational level so hard. How important is the meeting and how critical am I? How important is it that I do this work now versus later today? Can I reschedule the dentist to tomorrow, or will it have to be 3 months from now? How cute and desperate are the puppy dog eyes? In a world where we want flexibility and humanity and to not have to log 1.5 hours of PTO, it’s messy.
No one wants to enforce or be subjected to policies like “You can miss key meetings for doctors appointments and dentist appointments too but only if your tooth really hurts, and going to your kid’s soccer game is okay but only if it’s a championship and your kid is good and maybe for a playoff but definitely not just to watch them practice, unless there are no executives in the meeting and someone can present for you and it’s 5pm in which case: maybe.”
Therefore, we’re left to just… trust each other; to try to do our best for each other. Establish some kind of 9-5ish norms with a side of empathy—in both directions.
If you’re wrestling with these things like I am, I invite you to share this article with your team for a discussion of whether it resonates—and which parts. You can ask each other, “Do you feel like this?” “How do you experience it?” “How did you come to feel this way?”
It’ll likely be a little awkward, but mostly cathartic, and importantly, the conversation, connection, and empathy is what can help solve the dilemma.
If you do have that conversation (or have a reaction here, now!) please share your thinking in the comments. Together perhaps we can help that tired pendulum find some peace.